don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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