dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
