What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
