Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You can't just leave with hair like that
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize