Duck Duck Cougar?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
