Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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