i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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