just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think I just sharted jello shots
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