do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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