guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
