The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
