I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
