it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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