glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
