Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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