If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
