I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
