ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
