well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
