There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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