Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
