STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
either way he was missing a nipple.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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