apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
