Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
