i just made my gag reflex go away.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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