I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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