he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
