bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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