I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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