It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Randomize
