so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
