I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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