Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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