Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
