i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
