I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
