I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
