Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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