she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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