All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
