Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
