My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
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Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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