Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
