you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
