ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
