dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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