she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
