i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
