there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
