At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
