you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
