I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
