If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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