Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
