Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
