Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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