did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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