So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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