When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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