Umm I'm too high to move.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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